<$LoVe Is DeAd$>

Thursday, February 08, 2007

drifting..

didn't went to work today... im not sure if im relly not feeling well or just lost in my own freaking thoughts that i refuses to get out of bed.. my shelter... my sanctuary.. close my eyes and i'll think of nothing else except my paradise...

denying reality... denying myself...

yuan asked me today why won't i wanna settle down?? or actually sh ask him why i still don't wanna settle.. 1 month ago i would say its not that i dun wanna settle is the 1 i like is not the 1 for me.. but now.. freaking hell i hav enough of gers damn if theres a ger out there for me.. i'll meet her.. soon?? or nv? lol

Labels: hide

love is dead at [4:32 AM]

_____________

Monday, February 05, 2007

i am lost..

created this new address.. suddenly i felt that i have no wish for others to read my blog... i have no idea wats going through my mind these few days... yearning.. at the same time encountering disappointments after dispointments.. thats why i changed my blog address.. giving up on myself... falling into the dark... falling.. refusing to hold on to anything... refusing myself.. refusing reality... i am disgusted... the faces of humans are ugly... freaking disgusting..

i live everyday with a fake smile.. to customers as well as to every1 its been a habit... why... why can't i express myself with a much more straight forward attitude? why am i smiling when im hurting inside.. why do i say "im ok" when im not? who do i lie inorder to divert the attention from the truth?? why am i so protective about myself?? im not secretive.. im just afraid to expose my fragility.. of my heart.. wat u don't know is wat u won't ask... wat u won't ask is wats hurting me.. wats hurting me is wat no1 will know....

im building... the wall of ice and spikes around me.. yet everytime confronted by loneliness in this well i tore it down with my bare hands.. bleeding.. my rewards? im facing an empty space.. with no comfort.. no warmth.. only a greater sense of lonliness and pain... which is more painful? blood from my hands.. or the pain in my heart?
i dunno..
i'll build the wall again.. agian with ice and spikes.. ice from my blood and spikes from my heart.. at least.. i can feel the warmth of my blood the comfort of my heart around me...
i will not let any1 pass... wats cold to u is warm to me...

love is dead at [4:39 AM]

_____________