Tuesday, February 28, 2006
DAMN!!
just got back home went to cck mac to study damn it sia on my way back kanan run over by a damn car at the zebra crossing!!!!!!! i was cycling and approaching the zebra crossing and this DAMN CAR did NOT MOVE!! he was at the outer lane the car in the lane nearer to me moved on so i let him and this damn car just park THERE!!! so i just cycle across and as i got infront of the car that DAMN guy step on the accelerator and ran OVER MY BIKE!!!!!!! i WAS DAMN PISSED!! THAT BASTARD!!! dunno how to look for approaching people harZ! wat the hell was he doing!!!! really pissed i got up and moved my bike and checked for damages and i actually forgotten to ask that bastard for compensation!! i was too piss and engrossed checking my bike DAMN!!!
the wheels is a little twisted so it keeps rubbing against the brake pads.. that bastard... i might have to change the whole wheel... damn..
love is dead at [7:27 AM]
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Monday, February 27, 2006
Philosophy
i came across this artical while surfing the net..
The philosophical treatment of love transcends a variety of sub-disciplines including epistemology, metaphysics, religion, human nature, politics and ethics. Often statements or arguments concerning love, its nature and role in human life for example, connect to one or all the central theories of philosophy, and is often compared with, or examined in the context of, the philosophies of sex and gender. The task of a philosophy of love is to present the appropriate issues in a cogent manner, drawing on relevant theories of human nature, desire, ethics, and so on. This brief introduction examines the nature of love and some of the ethical and political ramifications.
to be continued..
epistemology - a philsophy that is about the study of how we know things
metaphysics - about understanding existence and knowledge
love is dead at [5:38 AM]
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Friday, February 24, 2006
L-O-V-E
sometimes humans tend to deceive themselves by creating come kinda hope for them to rely on.. in such a way it serve as a comforting factor to the mind..
ok im feeling really bored now so i'll just blabber something to kill time;p
religions..
religions are just created from the weakness of a men's mind.. mostly resulted from loneliness, fear, dependency.. etc.. actual proofs are not really sufficent..
love
well its actually a very simple chemical reaction
When you are infatuated various chemicals including dopamine are released in your brain that work very much like amphetamines (produced in the brain during times of pleasure)
oh ya u know why chocolates represent valentine??
the main ingredients of chocolates is phenylethylamine.. it is a trace amine in the brain that releases mesolimbic dopamine into the pleasure centers an when it is taken in high(and i really mean high) dosagesit can cause the same effects as amphetamine which put across simply is called "Love"
This infatuation or passionate stage of love typically lasts between 18 months and three years and possibly shorter for guys - this explains why guys tend to ahem.. stray.. anywhay not all guys and gers too might have a possible shorter stage of this infatuation..
when this stage of infatuation ceases wats left in the relationship is just simple a decision.. this is where the so called faithful guys will stay and the rotten guys will scram.. rotten guys.. can also be defined as people who really seeks the pleasures of the senses so they simple sought out new spouses that will iginite the amphetamine in them..
faithful.. being reserved and not willing to seek new excitement sticking to it more as a responsibility than an affection
simple facts oh ya and for those flirts i believe they have an excess amount of amphetamine produced so u can't really blame them right???
sometimes its generic;P
in alot of cases i see people getting tired of their spouses in less than 2 yrs and in this stage even for thoses faithful guys/gers out there they tend to neglect their girl/boyfriends even thought they have no wish to end their relationship why is this so?? a simple reason-lack of amphetamine
the relationship is just not as affectionate as before where excess amount of amphetamine is released... in the past where a 50mins conversation on the phone leave u craving for the sweetness of her voice and now even a simple 5min would get ur mind wondering everywhere except the conversation.. this althought abit exaggerated but nevertheless a simple fact of BGR.. so this is the chemical facts about love.. an introductory.. for deeper understanding stay tuned :P
hmmm getting abit slpy.. lets continue some other time..
love is dead at [5:57 AM]
an old story
long read but well worth it=)
Message: DOLCE VITA (French) --- SWEET TIMES
I met her on the net, how? I can't remember, but it seems to me that it is this 'little theory' which I declared in the cyberspace that caught her attention.
"If I have a million dollars, I would buy a house.
Do I have a million?""No.
That's why I don't have a house."
"If I have wings, I can fly. Do I have wings?"
"No. So I can never fly."
"If all the waters are drawn out of Pacific Ocean, but it still can't put off the flame of love between us.
Can all the waters of Pacific Ocean be drawn off?"
"No. Thats why I don't love you.
"That's me, a typical science student.
First, you come up with an assumption, then you fit a suitable conclusion.
If the proposed assumption doesn't stand at all, then everything is just bullshit.
I guess this is what they call 'unromantic'.But she is an exception.
She actually mailed me and said that I am an 'interesting' person.'Interesting?
What a word to use on me, it's like using 'faithful' on Mr. Clinton.
I thought this gal must be a low-IQ organism, or suffering from serious brain damage.Anyway, her nick doesn't seems so bad
-FLYNDANCE -
Thats quite a unique one.But I was warning myself: Hello, this is the virtual world of Internet.
Who knows what might be lurking behind a beautiful nick.Talking from experience, most of the time it will be a 'dinosaur' in disguise, the only differences will be whether it is a carnivore or a herbivore.
But, I know she is way different from a 'dinosaur', she is special.So I guess its time for the appearance of FlyNDance.Ever since she mailed to tell me that I am 'interesting', I was always wishing to meet her in #ajcrr. Too bad, lady luck was just not on my side.
So I can only reply her letter to tell her that I will start to train myself to become an 'interesting' person, just to show that she is far-sighted.She replied my reply, I replied her reply to my reply, she again replied my reply to her reply.....blah blah.....blah....Oh no, I just started a chain-reaction!Actually what interested me the most is this 'para' she wrote in one of the mails....'I dance slightly, amidst the crowd.Your glance on me be it surprise, be it admiration, It ain't gonna stop my rhythm.'Cos it's not your glance that made me dance, it's my heart of youth.'I simply cannot relate this gal to any of the 'dinosaurs'.But if she really is a dinosaur, I am willing to let her have her fill.Tye,
my best pal unfortunately, noticed my little affair with FlyNDance, and has been perpetually warning me about this...."HELLO!!! You don't even know what she looks like, why take the risk? Maybe 'she' is a guy!! Haha!!"I can't blame Tye for his ignorance.
Ever since he was dumped by Sally in Sec 4, he has become a renowned 'playboy'.As the saying goes: "Once bitten, Twice shy"In this case, after Tye was bitten, he has mastered the art of skinning snakes alive, and make into soup. But he got all the factors to be a playboy, I always think he is the 19 year-old version of Brad Pitt.Tall, handsome and got this tongue that causes diabetes in every women he targets. I don't think he can even remember how many girlfriends he had .I went online that night, log onto #ajcrr and..... Yesh!! She is there!!Before I can get over the surprise and the daze, she sent me a message....."hey slorr...so late liao haven't slept ahh??"Now what? Now what??!! Ok ok, I had to calm down first. I swallowed hard on my saliva, took a few deep breath.Now where is that Tye when I needed him most at such crucial moment, somebody to tell me what to say to her.How am I going to attract her with my pathetic humour which has gone stale."slorr... me in a foul mood today...can't sleep.. u leh??"MOTHER'S (direct translation to Chinese), what slorr slorr...now when I read it twice in a row, I am beginning to feel disgusted in that nick Tye gave me. Tye said that: "Who knows? It might attract some innocent gals into talking to you.... Haha....""I am not feeling very good too.... so let's sad together."Finally squeezed a sentence out, but I can already feel droplets of sweat forming on my forehead.Actually I m not in a bad mood, I just wanna follow up her topic that's all.And if she ask for the reason for my feeling down, I can say:"since u r feeling down, how can I ever be happy?"I know it sounds mushy, but Tye said: "MUSHYNESS IS THE FUNDAMENTAL TO ALL COURTSHIP."And gals are a very weird species, they trust their ears far more than their eyes.So instead of doing 10 things to impress her, why not just say a sentence to move her."ok... but u haven't greet me leh..."DAMNIT! How can I forget simple manners to gals. To think they call me 'MR COURTEOUS' in school.If this thing ever leaks out in school, I would lost all my female fans."nice to meet u...miss long-hair..."I've been wishing that she's keeping long hair.Tye said that:"FlyNDance...hmm...she would either be long-haired or a desperado, because when gals dance, only 2 parts of them may fly: hair and skirt.So if she doesn't has long hair, that means her skirt flies when she dances, AH-HA!! This has a certain sexual hint in it... haha.." "heh? how u know I got long hair?"BINGO!! Heaven is on my side this time. It goes to prove that she is not a DESPERADO. Yesh!!"not only that....I also know u seldom wear skirt...."I increased the stake, if I am correct this time, peace on earth forever."err... I guess u r rite lor.. but how u know one?"HAHAHAHAHA.... I m good ahh..."just guess...""ok lor... hey slorr... tell u wat.. me tired liaoz... ucoming online tomorrow morning??" "ya... y??.."Please...please...please say the u coming too, if not I m going to kill myself for letting u go tonight."Ill see ya tomorrow at 10 am then...good night...""er.. should be today at 10 am.. ok.. good night too"I just blurted out a last sentence....Offline. Suddenly I was so impressed by my performance just now.But is the season of spring really arriving for me? I wish.... "slorr... what a coincidence ahh...""yeh... I m not late." "ya lor... so qiao.."Gals are weird, I thought we already had an arrangement, why do I have to pretend that its not.They must have watched too many movies, and like to think that guys they met due to the thing called 'fate' is the best thing that can happen to their love life."slorr.... u talking nonsense lah...""NONSENSE??? ok, let me tell u what nonsense... Summer's beach, the guy must be good at running, with broad shoulders, dark complexion with a tint of redness, sparkling eyes and loud laughter.Then he will call out loud the name of the gal, running towards her, carry her and spin 3 rounds anticlockwisely.""slorr.... u siao liaoz ahh??""I siao? Ok...let's change a location then. Deep in the mountains, the guy must have long hair, gotta have the look of an artist, carries a sketching stand, a few pieces of drawings, and u can see birds stop over at his side, admiring his work. and there will be a gal whose the model....most probably naked.""slorr.. but these all very romantic mah...""ROMANTIC?? hello miss... romance only survive in novels and movies.In real life, the guy on the beach may step onto broken glass or the gal may be too heavy which tore his arm muscles.Birds may just clear their waste on top of the guy in the mountains, or he might get a thrashing from the gal because he comments on the excess fats around the waist and hips.""slorr... u hate romance??..""I hate romance? nope, I m just using my knowledge of statistic to get a deduction, that guys must be TALL to be romantic, not HANDSOME!!! some love novels even portrayed the guy as normal looking, but no-one dares to challenge the height of him! I object....because I m not tall.""slorr.... objection overruled..."I think I am really outstandingly bo liao, talking to her about these until noon."slorr... are u hungry?..." "ya... u leh??....""yesh... guess its time for lunch...slorr.." "then do u think we should....??""slorr... I m just asking... I dun intend to have lunch with u..." "ok, good.. I m not romantic... neither are u."I had lunch with Tye, we talk about the conversation with FlyNDance this morning."You moron...told her you are not romantic...you siao ah?....you have disgrace we man... how can you make such a bigmistake?....I...I..."Tye grabbed a chicken wing with chopstick, and I can see the trembling of the hand and the wing."There are 3 'don'ts' in chasing a gal... one...don't forget to be romantic... two...don't be too honest... 3...don't be too stingy on the sugar in our speech... noticed number 1, you stupid??"What rubbish is that? In mandarin we say 'nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu ai', you should know this...""This I know, but it has been a controversial topic over centuries. Women aren't really that...cheap... so why would they only falls for 'bad guys' like me??""That's because 'bad guys' are usually romantic... Those 'nice guys' are usually...dumdums...so she would rather choose a romantic 'bad guy' rather than any of those dumdums... in Maths we call this 2C1...understand? Dumdum.."Oh, Tye is talking about Maths!! Now I understand. No wonder I have always been left on the shelf."In another words... gals wouldn't mind if you are not tall...if you are not handsome... they can bear with your inconsiderate acts...can forget your stupidity...but they can never forgive if you are not romantic...""Come on, this is so exaggerating.""Hey...most women have a 'knot' for romance...just like most men have a 'knot' for virginity...to women they just can't understand how precious the thin layer of membrane is to men, same thing, men can't imagine how important women treats romance.""This is bullshit! How come I've never heard of that.""The key word is 'knot'...if u can untie it... fine.. but how many had actually succeeded in that... practically none...""Ok, fine. now I've done it... so what should I do to remedy the situation?""Face it...you are hopeless already... I promise you I'll have a drink with you when you and her are over...""YOU SON OF A BITCH."Mid-night. I am trying to concentrate on my Physics notes....F = ma, v = u + at.... it's really a wonder that nature can be explained by just a few formulas and equations, and this we call science. then why is astrology and palmistry being labeled as superstitious? Science should only be one of the ways to explain truth, what can't be explained by Science, it doesn't necessary mean that's its unreal....Close to 1am. Since I can't get anything into my head, I shall try my luck on net then, maybe she is there..."slorr...u here" "finally... good night to u...:).."'FINALLY'? Strange word to use it here. What is she doing here at this hour? Must be feeling down again."yes... it is fate that brought me to u at this moment..."I am trying very hard to convince her that I m a bit romantic."slorr... nothing to do with fate...I waited 4 u 4 one hour liaoz...""sure or not?.. for wat?.." "talk to u mah...or else I can't sleep...""u sick izzit?... go see doctor lah...:)""slorr....let's continue our topic.. wat do u think of relationships began from internet?..."Oh my god... how should I answer her now?"it's.. it's very... romantic..."Indeed I am not a good liar, even my words are shaking now."slorr... u bluffing... u not romantic one mah..."GAME OVER!! I m finished! No choice but to drink with Tye."slorr.... u lagging?... or just daoing me?...""no... I m wondering y is the sky so chio tonight?..""nonono... dun try to shift the topic... slorr..."Sigh...I give up...I asked for it myself."Actually I think relationships started from cyberspace is considered as ROMANTIC, 'coz romance gives pple an impression of unreal, and cyberspace is virtual.""slorr....that's interesting..""surfers keep a safe distance from each other and usually 3 types of pple are produced in this way...The 1st type.... The 1st type being those who present themselves on net with their 'secondary personality'. Usually all of us consists of multiple personalities, and in everyday life, what we present to the world is the 'primary personality', with the secondary one being suppressed, or maybe we don't even realised this other trait of us deep inside. So internet is the place where this side of us is revealed, both intentionally or without conscious knowledge.""izzit true?... wat about 2nd type?""The 2nd type are those who will transform themselves into the kind of man/woman he/she would want to be. there's bound to be 1 or 2 characteristics that u particularly admire, too bad, sometimes these characteristics are just couldnt be found in u. cyberspace is the perfect location for this transformation to occur.""slorr.... u blowing cow izzit?.. type 3 leh?""I m not blowing cow, I read it from an article of TIMES mag!! type 3 will be those who transform themselves into characters which are impossible for them to become in real life. for example, if u r a gal, you may act as a man on net. you may even become BATMAN or SUPERMAN if u want.""hmm.. thats pretty amazing...""the 1st type is the 'faithful' type, 'cos its his own personality that is being presented on net.the 2nd type is the 'foolish' type, 'cos he knows only how to admire others, always forgets his own strong pts.the 3rd type is the 'pathetic' type, 'cos he is wishing 4 some impossible.""slorr.... den u belong to wat type?... me leh?..""I dun wish to believe u r type 3, 'cos I m not. I crossed the possibility of type 1 'cos its too common, because I think u r special. being able to attract u, I think I m at least a bit special. So we belong to type 2.""type2.... den who u wish to become?.. slorr.."I certainly would like to become a person like Tye, humorous, romantic and eloquent, because these are wat I am lacking of. "slorr.... wat about me?..""U?.. I dun know. U want to FLY and DANCE, problemably that means u wish to fully enjoy ur youth while u can. but if this is something u wish yet u can't achieve, den there's 2 possibilities: 1, u r aging, 2, u r leaving the world."I think I said something wrong, because she didn't sent me anymore msg after this. I began to blame myself for being so perverted, why talk about these things?I should have discussed with her whether ZOE or FANN, who should be the queen of Caldecott Hill. damn that TIMES mag, poison my mind. Maybe she's lagging. so I waited... and waited. Although it's just a few minutes, but it felt like several hours. I want to apologize, but do not know how to start until she sent me this msg:"slorr... lets meet..."Without hesitation, I used the hand that I had used it over 18 years to wipe my ass, typed 'O-K'.I am supposed to meet FlyNDance tonight, 8pm, at the entrance of Macdonalds, the one beside YMCA. that's the best time and place to meet a gal you have never met before, according to Tye, because they would have taken their dinner by that time which means we can simply go inside the Mc and have some fries and coke.She will be wearing a whole set of coffee theme attire and I will be wearing my usual blues, this is our way of identification.She told me she is not those 'cute gals' I may think she is, I said never mind, I am not Brad-Pitt either. then she told me she has long ago given up on this hope already."slorr... u r early..."While I was idling, a gal tapped my shoulders from my back. Although I was already mentally prepared for anything that's gonna appear in front of me, I was still astonished by this gal who stood in front of me now.if not for the coffee theme and that 'slorr', I would think she is only asking for directions because she is one of those chio buz that can only be found on Orchard Road, usually while I am crossing the road. Maybe I suffered from a serious concussion due to the heavy blow, my mind was extraordinarily calm."Had your dinner right?.. I think we shall go inside the Mc 1st...""You are pretty smart huh?... a good way to save money indeed..."AIYA!~!... she knows me soooo well, I can only give her an innocent smile back. Since she's so pretty, I ordered 2 LARGE cokes, and even ordered TWO packets of fries."This time you treat, next time I'll let you treat..."I m not falling for that, miss... but I m glad she mentioned 'next time'."slorr... r u disappointed when u saw me just now?.."DISSAPPOINTED?... r u drunk?.."why do you think I will be disappointed then?..""Because I told you I am not cute mah, so you must be quite disappointed when you saw me.."She is making 0 sense, but I know she is just trying to hint that she's actually cute."Then why did you have to lie that you are not cute?" "Slorr...I said I am not cute...I didn't say I am not pretty.."#$%$##%^*&%$@!!! "But you are also quite....decent looking what.. its not like what you described to me too.."'DECENT'? a very vague word. to many gals, decent = boring.one good thing is that she didn't lie to me about the fact that she is keeping long hair. She also has a fair complexion which reminds me of HL milk I take almost everyday.It is now only that I found out she is from ACJC, but had spent her 1st 3 mths in AJ.sitting in front of each other, we talk about many things. from her obsession with coffee to my hobby of watching movies in. Btw, she had completely shook off my misconception of 'if she is pretty, she is brainless'.she appears to be an attractive gal, both physically and character wise, talking, smiling to me, occasionally being a little sarcastic and nasty.its like a dream.We left the Mc at around 10 pm. since its still early, I decided to send her home and fortunately, its just Ang Mo Kio, two MRT stops from mine. I would have a second thought if she's staying at Pasir Ris."slorr... congratulations.... u r officially permitted to date me from now on..."She said this b4 the lift door closed. Back at home, I realized that I hadn't asked for her real name, maybe its the influence of that stoopid Tye.Tye told me : "never ask a pretty gal her name the 1st time u meet her, 'cos there are oredi too many wolves out there dying to know, so she will be more interested in you if u act bochap..."Then y didn't she ask for mine? dun tell me there's a female version of Tye telling her not to?it's again 1am. time to meet her in ajcrr. "hi!... slorr.. u tired?..."Of 'cos I m tired after all the surprises she presented me, I would go straight for my bed if not for her. but y is she here also?...isn't she tired too?.."long time no see.. how r u?.." "slorr u siao ah?... 2 hours only leh.. miss me?...""A)yes.. B)of 'cos.. C)abuden...D)dying to see u...E)all of above.... answer is E..."";:)..."Seems like she is really tired, even the smiling face are yawning to me rite now."u wanna go for a movie tomorrow?.."Maybe I should ask her now, while she is half asleep, hoping that she will blur-blurly click 'OK'."should be no problem... what show?..."HOOOOORAY!!... I m cheering for her fatigue."we decide what show tomorrow... anyway whats important is watch with who... not the show.."Tye's fav line, I m just borrowing it. ";:)...""u should go sleep now lah..." "wait one little while... u haven't tell me u tired or not?.." "ok lah... a bit.... u leh?..""I m exhausted.... but have to say good night to u 1st...slorr.. if not I can't sleep.." "me too...."I can't believe I m doing this SILLY business rite now...."ok I tell u what.... I count 1,2,3... then we log off together...""ok.... good night slorr..." "same to u.." "1...." "2..." "3.."I never talk whenever I m inside a cinema, and now is the best time for my mouth to rest, so I spent the following 3 hours to admire this much-talked-about movie of the century, Titanic.I m not a romantic person, so its perfectly understandable if I can't really appreciate this motion picture fully, except for those stunning special effects. But something stroke me when Jack said to Rose before he sank into the deep....."Rose, listen to me... listen....winning that ticket was the best thing that had happened to me...it brought me to u....and I m thankful, Rose....I m thankful...."Suddenly I felt much fortunate than Jack, 'cos I dun have to risk my life to board Titanic, all I have to do is to switch on my PC every night.But he's one lucky guy too, 'cos he knows how to draw, and just look at how slowly he was drawing Rose, that made me blame myself for the lack of this talent. But to her, this movie wasnt just about drawings or special effects.I noticed that packet of tissue paper she was holding in her hand. and just when Rose said:" I promise... I will never let go, Jack... Ill never let go.."She opened up her sling bag and here comes the reserve handkerchief. Damn that Celine Dion, y on earth did she had to sing that "MY HEART WILL GO ON" at the end of the show, for all the female species inside the theater, its like "MY TEARS WILL ALSO GO ON""Ok... movie ended... lets go...."I stood up, speak to her gently, worried that every single word I breath out might just crush Onto her, and kill her. she continued to sit on the position, looked at me with her beautiful eyes that just came back from a swim. after a while, she said...slorr.... movie ended..... but life goes on.. m I rite?..."I nodded my head... but I just wished somebody might give me some clue of what she was saying. Finally we managed to leave Orchard Cineplex, since its still early, we decided to take a walk down the street.along the way, she seems unusually quiet. so I guess Tye was rite about the 'TITANIC FLU', he said that gals often got so mentally distressed after watching this show, and it is the best time to launch an emotional attack on her, thats y Tye had watch Titanic for over 5 times roughly. her eyes were focussed on the path or the crowds but I know her mind was still left on Titanic, sinking with her, waiting for somebody to pull her up.I just kept my mouth shut 'cos I know I m not a good swimmer. we walked to Plaza Singapura. suddenly she stopped in front of a Christian Dior counter."slorr.. have u read a novel called 'fragrance'?...""err.. nope.... y do u ask?...""look at this 'DOLCE VITA' from Christian Dior... its what the guy bought for her girlfriend in the story on her birthday....and he told her 'DOLCE VITA' is French, meaning 'SWEET TIMES'..."She pointed to a bottle of perfume at the counter, but I was more interested at the price tag around the neck of the bottle. "oh... izzit?...""slorr... then do u consider today as 'sweet times'...?""at first I do... but some pts are deducted since u started crying...""that means it can only be considered a little bit sweet, Ill buy the small bottle then..."I insisted to pay for the perfume as her b-dae present from me since I know her birthday is coming soon, this kinda saves me a lot of trouble of finding a present for her. luckily its just perfume, I would have to pawn my underwear if that guy in the story gives her girlfriend diamond or gold bar.""r u hungry?.... wanna sit down and have something?...""I dun have appetite... what about u?.." "you eat, I eat...."Her eyes are red again...... I m such a fool. finally got away from the noisy crowd at the MRT station, walking on one of the streets of AMK Ave 6. contrastingly, its so quiet now that I even can hear the rhythm of her heartbeat."slorr... do u know what's the correct way of applying perfume?"I shook my head. in fact, I had never used a perfume or cologne before, medicated oil maybe."1st u apply some behind ur ears... then ur neck and wrists...after that spray some onto the air, then walk through it...""sure or not?... in that case this little bottle wont even be able to last u for 3 days....""slorr.. shall we try?...""'we'?... u go ahead... I m a MAN..."She opened up that DOLCE VITA...behind her ears, neck then the wrist she applied some... and she really did spray some onto the air!!...WABIANGZ!!.. expensive leh!... finally she stretched out her hands... facing up... like enjoying the raindrops falling on her face..."hahaha....""slorr... this is so fun!.... now its ur turn...."She went through the same procedures with me and I can feel the coldness of her fingers. maybe its the perfume... I guess."slorr... get ready... I m going to spray!!..."I imitated her.. face up...and walked through my 1st perfume rain."slorr...lets have another round!!..."" WHAT!!... serious?.."My money isn't easy to come by leh!!.... b4 I can collect the broken pieces of my heart, she had walked through her second round. She was even more excited this time, hoping around, like her nick.... a flying and dancing butterfly. late night of AMK, the streets smells unusually nicer rite now until we finished the whole of that DOLCE VITA."DOLCE VITA is exhausted... I guess this sweet time shall end now too....slorr.. Ill go up now.... tonight 1am. I wont be online, and u r not to do so too...""huh?....but why?....""go online at 12pm tomorrow.. u will know....remember... only 12pm..."She turned and walked into the lift... at the same time... I saw an obvious pink patch behind her neck... which is visible only now becos she tied her hair. I looked up towards her window on the 4th floor from below, but it never light up.I switched off the light in my room... engulfed in the absolute darkness... 'cos I wished to have the same kind of feeling as her right now... I realised in complete darkness... the easiest mood one gets... is loneliness.. she must be lonely rite now... half asleep..I almost can see a beautiful butterfly.. turning to ashes amidst the sea of flame... and that patch behind her neck.. from pink it became red... and then burgundy.. slowly.. it swallowed me.... was it the cause of that can of beer just now?...suddenly I felt cold... and shaky.. and that coolness seemed to have come straight from my heart... the rate of my heartbeat was an exponential function of time as it got closer to 1am...USE A DIFFERENT NICK!!...checked .. she isn't there.... my heart was beating fast... but the temp remained below healthy level........-=~@~=-Finally its 12 pm, excited as I was, logged on the net, yet there was still no sign of FlyNDance. But theres a mail from her......Dear slorr,At first I thought it will be easier for me to settle down in the darkness... recollecting memories we have shared... but all I felt was loneliness...... can u feel it too?...I still can't change the habit of logging on at 1am... so I used a different nick to sneak into AJCRR... u dun blame me right?...:P... u werent there... should I feel glad for ur obedience?.... U said both of us belonged to TYPE 2... the foolish type...maybe u r right!... 'cos I really do admire those who dares to fight for their desires... I stroke my hair gently when u said that I m leaving the world... and a few strands of hair fell..... No!... doctor told me its not a terminal disease... and doctor aren't supposed to lie!!?...I still can live like a normal person...BUT CAN I?..FlyNDance... is it really something I wont be able to do?... After the 1st meeting with u at Mc... I started to realise that u r not only a virtual being living in the cyberspace... in reality u r strong, gentle and sensitive.... I can feel the defense Wall of my heart is slowly breaking apart.... I m defeated...I tied my hair today.. 'cos my fren told me that I look more attractive this way...I want u to remember my face as it is today... 'cos after today... everything may change.... But why didn't u ask for my real name? ..thats why I never asked for urs...I am a girl mah..... do you realized how I wish to have something more than a nick to take along with me? ...Slorr... thank you for the DOLCE VITA. Finally got a taste of what sweet times are like... but I am really sorry.??.I just couldnt bear to say goodbye.....Since it started from a mail.... it should end with a mail too.... Its been 3 months and 2 days since the very first mail... not a very long time but it isn't short either.... our story began from me... and I will end it.Maybe its what you said... 'Internet is fast and convenient, but it isn't perfect'.... I can send you my thoughts right away... but not my tears...Its about 5.30am now.... time to go.... by the time you receive this mail...I would be trying to settle down somewhere else.... I don't know....Good ByeWith lotsa love,FlyNDanceAfter reading her mail, I felt as if I had just experienced a roller-coaster ride which almost derailed. She had shown me the other side of her, soft and sensitive.For a couple of months, I was trying to hypnotizes myself, to suppress my feelings whenever I started to think about her again. Perpetually I was telling myself, she is just one virtual character that fly and dance in the net, but never in the real world. I became a fugitive, escaping from my PC, escaping from the Internet and anything that has to do with coffee. Hide myself behind the piles of lecture notes, behind the crowd of people, trying to get rid of this thought of missing something in life.But I failed. I found out that its not that I don't miss her, its just that I had forgotten the passion that always comes along when you are having something hanging on your mind all the time. Its like I cannot breathe, it?fs just that I had forgotten the fact that I have been breathing in and out for the past 19 years.I can hold my breath for a while, but not forever.I have to find her!"Err... I am looking for ... er..FlyNDance....""HUH??..."'Huh', this is the exact word I was expecting from her.She seems to be FlyNDance's elder sister, 20++, looked quite a beauty too even without any makeup. But of course, still can't be compared with her. I explained to her my purpose for knocking on the door and told her that I am no stalker whom she might think I am.Surprisingly when I told her my disgusting nick, Slorr, she appeared to be rather excited and quickly she scribbled something on a small piece of paper and handed it to me."You should go and see her. SGH, Room 3-425."-=~@~=-This is the first time I've ever stepped into the Singapore General Hospital. It's a dust-free space, everything looked so clean, tidy and arranged.But I don't like the feeling it gave me... I entered room 3-425, she was there, in a deep sleep. I stood by her, watching.Her hair was still as long as before, laying across the soft, white pillow. Her face looked roundish now, I know it's the side-effect of the medicine. And the pinkish-red patch that was on her neck, had spread to her face appearing in a shape of a butterfly.Nevertheless, she was still the most beautiful butterfly I've ever seen. Her eyelashes twitched slightly, she must be dreaming, what's that in her dream?McDonald's fries and coke? Sinking Titanic? Or the rain at AMK Ave 6? The room was getting darker as the clock approaches 6pm.I wanted to switch on the light. I hate to see her lying lonely under the shadow of a patient's room.But I am worried that her dreams might be disturbed by the sudden light rays. While I was in a dilemma, her eyes opened slowly. Her eyes were wide on me, then she turned away suddenly.I can only see her back at this moment. She lost weight. After a long time, she turned to face me again, rubbed her eyes and smiled...."Slorr, you are here!""Yes, nice weather today, isn't it?""Ya lor, sky also very chio today? Right? Heehee.."SKY VERY CHIO...I can still remember this was the conversation we had in one of our AJCRR meetings."But she didn't realize that it's raining today."Slorr, why are you standing there. Sit down."Thanks for reminding me. I just found out that my legs were numbed due to the several hours of standing."Slorr, you lost weight."ME? I thought I should be the one who's telling this to her!?"Slorr, you hungry? Had your lunch? Food here isn't so good. That's why patients like me always slim down a bit. Apart from that, it's quite ok. But sometimes I feel really bored without a PC here to talk to you..""Slorr, how's your mid-year? Sure did very well right?"WAIT A MINUTE! You are the one who's lying on bed right now not me! Yet, I had nothing to ask her actually.Because I was there to see her, not to find out the answers to those questions. Maybe now its the time for me to utter some touching lines like what in the case of a movie.But I am not a Romantic person... moreover...Movies are fiction.Life isn't.-=~@~=-I just wished that she could leave this place as soon as possible back to AMK Ave 6, back to ACJC, back to where she belonged. And I promised she won be alone anymore, because I will always be there.After a while, her mum was here to see her. Around the age of 50, slightly overweight. Other than the cheerful smile, she didn't really remind me of FlyNDance."Err, I think i've gotta go now. Bye bye auntie.""You....You..."She sat up straight in a sudden, like if she'd experienced a tremendous shock."I'll be here again tomorrow.. and the day after tomorrow... until you leave this place..."Before I went back home, I went to Plaza Singapura again to buy that Christian Dior Dolce Vita... and I've got the biggest bottle this time, that she can even swim in it.I try not to close my eyes that night, I want to go to her as soon as the first sun ray shoots into my room...."Slorr.. you are here.. i've been waiting for you for a long time...""Had a good night's rest?...""Oh... I didn't allow myself to fall into a deep sleep because I know you won't wake me up when your here.""Then you should take a rest now.""Err, since you are here already, I don't think I can..."I gave her the Dolce Vita, and we'd agreed that we would dance in the rain in front of SGH main entrance the day she's discharged.I dare not look straight at her, because there's a butterfly on her face.It was only last night before I leave SGH that I found out she's suffering from an illness called ERYSIPELAS. What the clergymen would term the BUTTERFLY DISEASE...But what I like is the coffee butterfly that is able to dance around freely not that pinkish-red butterfly that settled on her pale complexion. Moreover, what good a butterfly if it can't fly?"Slorr, why are you looking at me and not talking?"I don't know, because I noticed that she's getting weaker physically. I had a bad feeling about this."Slorr, I am thirsty, can you get me a drink?"I am not leaving her at this moment. I can still remember a movie about this guy who went all the way to get red bean soup for his girlfriend who's on sickbed and to find her lying silently on the white bedsheet when he came back... never to wake up again..."Are you trying to get rid of me, like what's in that movie?""Slorr, movie is movie, life is life..."MOVIE? LIFE?...."But I thought you just had a drink? Anyway, so what can I get for you?""Ultimate Ice Blended!!"This is a hospital leh!! Did she think I can find Coffee Bean everywhere on this island? Like McDonalds, what's more coffee wasn't suitable for her at that time."Err... coffee isn't good for health, order something else, ok?"So you know coffee isn't good for the body too. Then you should cut down on your intake also, ok?"I saw her smile appearing and there's a shine in her eyes. I realized that she was just trying to tell me not to drink too much coffee in the future.My heart seemed to have suffered from a heavy blow.This is not good. A taste of pH7 has started to fill my nose. If this is not going to stop, tears might be the next thing that appears in front of her.I recalled the chapter on reservoir and dam in physics textbook. Quickly applied the knowledge on myself. Even if it's just a few droplets."Ok, I promise, I'll try my best.""And try to sleep earlier in the future and don't skip breakfast...""It's important to you and don't be too obsessed with blue. It makes you look troubled and....."This didn't sound good. It's like giving the final instructions before she. I can't bear to let her continue."Ok ok, I'll go get you a drink right away.""Slorr, is the machine far away? If it is, then its ok, I don't want it anymore."From my mental calculation, men would take 67 steps while women would take 85 steps to reach the vending machine right at that corner. Plus the time taken to purchase, average would take a total of 1.8 to 2.1 minutes. Not very far."Quite near.""Slorr, come back quick. I don't want to be alone for too long... I hate that feeling."I didn't answer her. I just increased my pace....*************************"Eh... its late already... go to sleep..", my mum was nagging at me again."Ok ok.... 10 more minutes..."Until today, FlyNDance had left for more than 2 mths.I still logged on at 1 am every night, but onto channel DOLCE-VITA which was created by myself, with Slorr and FlyNDance being the only 2 nicks inside, for 10 minutes.Although she won't be able to fly and dance in real life anymore, but I still wish that she could continue to do so in the virtual world.Even Tye has given up on me..."She's gone, why are you still doing this? For what?!!"Yet, even if that's the case, I can't allow her soul to be left at the corner of loneliness. Because she said she hated the feeling of being alone.I still remember there was a heavy downpour on that day. When I reached SGH they told me... A coffee butterfly flew away from her room at around 1 am last night....After that... I can't remember...I just knew that I stood at the bus-stop for a whole day and I was all wet because of the rain. Even my face.I've been trying hard not to think of her over these 2 months. I've been hoping that her face won't appear in my mind every moment that I breathe, but it's like hoping that the sky isn't blue; the grass isn't green; the stars do not twinkle at night...Basically, I was hoping for something impossible to happen. I can't believe that I am of Type 2, even in real life.Did I cry?.. NO WAY!..I said it before, I am not a romantic person, and this may be due to the deficiency in the hormones that constitutes emotions. Whenever I had the feeling of pH7, I'll browse through those 'FWDS:jokes...' Attention will then be shifted by those dim-wit, low-class jokes...So now everything is back to the way it was before I met her 9 mths ago.Tye is still flirting around, and I am still the old decent=dull me. But Ie stopped taking coffee and beer."Xing ah, is this for you?"My mum handed me a letter she picked up in the mailbox this morning.I was surprised when I saw 'To:slorr...' written on the envelope.That's for me I guess. I opened it up, there was a piece of writing inside, and another coffee envelope.Slorr,I am FlyNDance's sister, I think this is how you are addressing her. I am sorry that I do not know your real name, although we'd met before. When I was packing her stuffs a few days ago, I found this letter with your name and address already written on it.So I posted it to you, because I believe this is what my sister intended to do.Best wishes,Xiao WenThe letter was sent 3 days ago, and there was another:'To:slorr...'Followed by my home address written on the coffee envelope. But this handwriting was a lot nicer and the words seemed to be moving swiftly...like in a joyful dance.I have no time to figure out how she has gotten my home address. Did I give her in one of my mails?I tried to control my trembling hands, slowly, I opened up the envelope. I found a photo, and a half of a movie ticket inside.Apart from these, there was a blue letter... with the familiar DOLCE VITA smell on it. The photo showed her, standing on a piece of grassland, wearing the same coffee theme attire on our first meeting at McDonalds.Something was written at the back of it....Dear slorr,Coffee represents Pisces.. that's me. Blue represents Sagitarius.. that's you. A blue letter inside a coffeee envelope.... know what I mean?Seeing me, do you feel like drinking coffee now? Stop drooling!FlyNDanceI smiled.... bitterly. The contents of the blue letter is simple:If I have one more day to live, I want to be your girlfriend. Do I have one more day? No. Too bad. I can't be your girlfriend... not in this life.If I have wings, I want to fly down from the paradise just to see you. Do I have wings? No. Sadly. I can never see you again.If all the water are drawn out of the bath-tub, but it still can't put off the flame of love btw us. Can all the water in a bath-tub be drawn off? Can.So yes. I LOVE YOU.FlyNDanceMy chest was torn apart... tears broke through the dam I constructed a long time go in a jiffy.As proud, as emotionless as I was, I can't pull back the salty wetness that consumed the whole of my face anymore.She has changed my 'little theory' and gotten back what I'd owed her... tears for 2 months....-=~@~=-Titanic has won 11 awards in the Oscar, including best picture.Yet, Rose wasn't the best actress under that category. So if it's sad in a movie, it may not be so fortunate too in real life. And in reality, should Jack hold on to Rose and 'Never let go?'Maybe he shouldn't be worried about this. 'Cos that beautiful coffee butterfly will continue to fly and dance in his heart.. forever...'~THE END~
love is dead at [5:47 AM]
FOG..
confusion... confusion...confusion... sometimes in life u'll just feel abit confused walking on ur path ain't u?? are u making the right choice?? wat are the consequences?? will ur decision ruin ur life?? will ur stable peace be shaken??? or utterly destroyed?? one example.. im gonna reach a crossroad maybe in another 6 months do u wanna take the risk of an advanture or just setle down with a stable job??? rewareds for the advanture is unclear.. u'll face a harsh enviroment alone and independent.. and i mean totally cut off hmm... thats really music to the ears ain't it?? lol anyway decision are always hard to make esp when it concerns ur own future.. be it work BGR or anything.. its always a test.. in my opinion, on ur logical reasonings...
love is dead at [3:20 AM]
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Tuesday, February 21, 2006
someone told me..
well some1 told me than i have entries lest then the days of a month sia.. hey thats not true i've checked i got 28 entries thats not less than the month of feb sia so cannot anyhow malign me right?-and this is the 29th so its more than a month le lorz... i was posed a question today.. do i have an answer? well im not sure about that after some considerations i think i might have the answer to that question but its a really stupid answer i think.. lol the question is "why am i so different in writing and in person? " hmm... why why why? am i? im not sure... so heres a question for the readers which most of u knows me in person.. am i different?? lol if yes gd or bad?
oh ya any1 wanna know my answer to the question?
heres a lousy hint : The heart has reasons that reason does not understand
love is dead at [5:44 AM]
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Thursday, February 16, 2006
hiya
seems so long since i wrote anything been so damn busy these few weeks and exams ciming gonna have a paper at 1pm then now then i start studying sia... im really looking for trouble lol spend valaentine peacefuly with ger eve ivy and cat nothing special except accompanying cat to give his present to his special some1 and stayed and talk abit played games.. thats about all.. feleing so bored now sia... think go study 1st..
love is dead at [4:24 AM]
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